Hi Emily! I really enjoy reading this paper. I think you did a great job in demonstrating the importance of solving housing issue by protecting local people at cost. The way how you appeal to pathos is very outstanding in your essay. I like the way you incorporated the words from local residents that “her own grown children cannot afford to live in the town where they were raised.” Words like this make me feel how big the impact is on the local residents. Furthermore, I think you employed the resources very well in explaining the reason behind the rising housing and how the income do not follow. I can see how you develop you idea from paragraph to paragraph, but I think it would make your essay easier to follow if you can add more transition sentences that directly state the logic behind. You also did well in interpreting the resources in your own word and stating you opinion.

I think there is still something that you can add. I saw you mentioned that “the government response is the real culprit” early on in your essay, but I did not see too much about what the government responses are, which is what I initially expected to see. Therefore, I think you can add more details on the government policy regarding both the local and the global side. For example, what is the exact policy if there is any or did the government tried to deal with these problems before or how did local people’s effort make an influence on the policy. Another place you can add more detail is where you said that “Californians will bring a revival of diverse cultural perspectives to Boise”. I think you gave a general idea in that paragraph, but I still wish to see one or two examples.

Overall, I really like your essay! There are similar housing issues happening in some provinces like Hainan in China. Your essay really made me reconsider those issues and provides me some new and global perspectives!